Where Do We Go From Here
by ollixanna
Summary: Death!Fic. Leyton. Brulian. Breyton, Brucas friendship. My first foray into tragedy. Set a few years in the future, main character death. One shot maybe


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to One Tree Hill.**

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As the rain fell steadily, pattering a constant beat onto the windowpane, Brooke stared out of her bedroom window, feeling lost in a world that had thrust itself upon her with no warning. A world that seemed impossible to understand, impossible to face alone.

A tentative knock came from the door.

"Brooke…" Victoria called quietly, from the other side of the door. The side that held life and everything that came with it.

After several minutes had passed Victoria knocked again, louder this time. Her voice was falsely secure, "Brooke we have to go now, or we'll be late."

Brooke heard her mother, and for a moment thought about asking for her mom to hold her. Sure things had changed, but she didn't know how much. Being an adult was difficult. Brooke turned away from the window and caught her reflection in the mirror.

She was wearing a black dress and black hat with a veil, she didn't really remember getting dressed. Then again, these days, so many things seemed to slip her mind after Sawyer returned to her own home. Several meals had been ruined because she had left the kitchen, for what seemed like a moment, only to have Julian run out and have to turn off whatever she managed to burn.

The sound of the door creaking open caused Brooke to shift her gaze from her ghostly reflection. Victoria tentatively poked her head into the room, the look of sadness in her eyes was not lost on Brooke. Swinging the door open, Victoria revealed herself to be wearing a simple black dress as well. Brooke was glad that her mother had realized how much it meant for her to go, and say goodbye.

Brooke took a sharp breath, the reality of the situation hit her yet again. She slowly slumped down by the window and cried for what felt like the thousandth time since that god-awful night.

* * *

Nathan glanced at the clock while sitting in a rather rigid position in what was once Karen Roe's kitchen. The fact that Jamie was unusually quiet as he sat on the edge of the chair opposite of Nathan troubled him.

He felt compelled to say something to comfort his son, but no words volunteered themselves. So they sat in relative silence. There was the sound of the rain beating on the roof, and the music Jamie had put on. Nathan had been amazed at how well Jamie knew his way around the extensive vinyl collection.

The sound of Haley comforting a crying Lucas could be heard faintly.

They had arrived an hour earlier to make sure Sawyer was ready, and although they didn't say it, Lucas too. They had found him sitting in the children's room, sitting on Sawyer's bed staring at the empty crib, while Sawyer was sitting in her parents' room. His face read of pain, anger, and loss. He was tired and defeated, it hurt Nathan to see him. So he retreated with Jamie to the kitchen where they had washed the dishes, thrown out old food, and sang along with some old school hip-hop records, anything to keep the muffled sounds from the bedroom from landing on their ears. Sawyer had come in and out of the room, and had even played one of her favorite songs.

They had finished ten minutes ago. The heaviness of the situation seemed to be weighing on Nathan especially hard, the sadness in Jamie's eyes hurt more than he ever imagined possible.

"Hey, how about we go for a drive around the block," Nathan offered as he jingled the keys in his pocket.

"That's okay Dad, I just want to wait for Mom and Uncle Lucas. Besides I don't think we should leave Sawyer," Jamie answered calmly.

"Right," Nathan said as he slumped back into his chair. His son continually surprised him, there was no way he could ever be as strong as he was.

Haley appeared in the hall now, her eyes full of concern and brows knitted.

Nathan gave her a questioning glance.

Haley's eyes dropped for a second, "He's not sure he can do this."

With that Nathan stood and held Haley as she cried. The strength she'd tried so hard to maintain in Lucas' presence was gone. Now she was vulnerable, and just as broken as Lucas.

Nathan held her, and Jamie quickly ducked into the room to see Sawyer and avoid watching his mom breakdown. The day was far from over, and promised to hold only more tears.

* * *

Brooke gripped the steering firmly. She had driven slowly, and taken the longest route possible. But she had finally arrived at the church. There were many cars parked along the street, and many people with their black umbrellas filtering into the church.

Tears threatened to fall as she remembered the last time they'd been in this church. As the happy memories of the passed crept into her thoughts, Brooke softly began to cry again.

Unable to watch her fearless daughter break down, Victoria quietly slipped out of the vehicle and ran through the drizzle into the shelter of the church.

With Victoria gone, Brooke cried heavily as she pounded on the steering wheel.

"It's not fair!" she whimpered, as the passenger door opened and a figure slipped into the passenger seat.

"It isn't," his quiet, solemn voice stated as he reach across and began rubbing her back in a slow, comforting manner.

Brooke looked at him. He was definitely hurting, although he was trying not to show it. She wiped her tears and interlaced her fingers with his free hand, she found they were already damp from the rain.

"Why is it always Peyton?" Brooke asked as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"I don't know Brooke, I don't know."

"She was happy though, right?" she asked as she choked back more tears.

"Of course," he answered softly.

"Julian," Brooke stated as tears fell freely yet again.

"I know."

* * *

Nathan, Haley, Jamie, and Sawyer were sitting in the living room, watching the headline news channel program flash by, the sound muted. They had sat down together nearly half and hour ago. The sounds of Lucas getting ready had stopped abruptly a few minutes ago. Haley drew a deep breath, it was time to talk to her best friend again.

"Luke…" she said as she walked into the bedroom, feeling as though she were treading on sacred ground.

"Hales, I can't do it, I just can't," Lucas said from before the mirror, he was mostly dressed. He had a tie draped around his neck, it looked as though he couldn't quite figure out how to tie it.

"I know Luke, it's going to be difficult, but don't you think you'd regret it if you didn't go?" Haley asked as she took the tie from him and began to tie it for him.

"I don't know. I kind of think maybe if I go back to sleep, I'll wake up and this will all just be a bad dream," Lucas answered as he watched Haley's deft fingers.

"Oh Luke," she sighed as she finished the knot.

"Haley, what am I going to do?" Lucas asked as he sat down on the bed and let his head fall into his hands.

"You're going to go to the church, then to the cemetery, and then we're going to come back here and we're going to remember the times that really mattered," Haley said resolutely.

Lucas said nothing, as he sat on the bed, breathing in and out softly.

* * *

Brooke and Julian pulled up to the Scott residence. Victoria had taken the other vehicle home after the graveside service. They noted the familiar cars, and sat patiently waiting for someone to make the first move.

"Today's been really hard," Brooke stated as she stared at the house. "I don't know how he does it, I can't go in there."

"I'm sure it bothers him too," Julian assured her. He thought of the day after, he'd come by and found Lucas sitting in his car. He hated to say anything, but Sawyer had been missing her dad. Things hadn't gone well, and had ended with Lucas slamming the door in his face, only to open it seconds later and rush past him to the Mustang. Julian had then gone and talked to him again. Lucas then promised to come by their house once he pulled himself together. It'd been hard to see him like that.

"I know he's hurting, but I'm not ready to help him yet," Brooke sighed as she leaned her head against the steering wheel.

"No one is expecting you to," Julian said as he rubbed her back gently.

"She was my best friend. Even those years we spent apart she was still like my sister and I loved her," Brooke rambled.

"Brooke, look at me," Julian ordered.

Brooke sat up and looked at him with tear filled eyes.

"She loved you too, back in L.A. she used to pick up your magazine religiously, and had a scrapbook of your clippings, she was so proud of you."

Brooke appeared stunned for a moment, taking her time, she asked in a whisper, "Really?"

"Of course Brooke. She loved you," Julian assured her. "Don't ever doubt that."

Brooke inhaled deeply, closed her eyes, and exhaled.

"Let's go inside."

* * *

Lucas sat on their couch, his couch, the couch. He heard his friends sharing their favorite memories quietly amongst each other, everyone waiting for him to say something, to share his memories. He wanted to be a part of what they were doing, but he felt lifeless.

He had watched her casket be lowered into the ground, and he had felt the urge to jump in with her. Without her there was no life to live. But then he remembered, their daughter, and the little life she had died to save.

The doctors had warned them about the risks. They had advised against a second baby, but Peyton wouldn't listen. She stated they'd made it through the first time and she could do it again. And, then when the complications arose again, the doctor told they should risk the premature birth rather than Peyton's health.

But Peyton had stubbornly held out, making him promise that he would make sure the baby would be fine before they treated her.

And he had stupidly agreed.

Their baby had been born premature, and Peyton had had to have a hysterectomy, as she would've bled out otherwise. Peyton had awoken and managed to talk to Lucas, and Brooke and Julian, and had seen pictures of Rowe Keith Scott. Lucas had gone to the NICU to ensure Rowe was fine, as Peyton had insisted. Brooke and Julian had arrived to keep her company. As Lucas walked he felt deep somewhere inside him that something as wrong. Half an hour later, Julian had come down to the NICU and told Lucas that something had happened, the doctors weren't sure what, but Peyton was fading fast and they could figure out why. At the time, there was too much he wanted to say to her, but he didn't know how. So instead, he cried as he held her and made her so many promises about their baby. And then she was gone.

Now he sat wishing he could've said something, anything, to her. He had seen their son twice since Peyton's death, it was hard to see him. Especially when he was all Peyton had wanted, when he looked at her he remembered all the plans Peyton had had for their family. It hurt, and he didn't know how he was going to get through it.

Brooke had taken Sawyer home with her. And Lucas had gone to see her a few times, but it was even more difficult to see her. She had Peyton's smile, and eyes. Larry had said that she looked exactly like Peyton did at that age, and the resemblance only grew stronger as the years passed. At four, she seemed to have the same feisty personality her mother had.

Back in the present, Lucas stood, opening his mouth to attempt to express himself. All eyes were upon him and he could find no words, so he hung his head and walked into the bedroom. He tried to push the looks of pity and concern from everyone he passed out of his mind. He didn't want any of it, all he wanted was Peyton.

* * *

Brooke wasn't surprised when Lucas passed her by without a word, she understood where his head was at. She took a sip of her water, and watched as Karen turned to Andy motioned she was going to see Lucas. As Andy nodded solemnly, Brooke made up her mind that now was the time to go and talk to Luke. Before Karen could share her wisdom about losing the love of her life, now was the time for them to grieve together, before moving on together.

Brooke barely managed to reach the door a mere half second before Karen. She met Karen's eyes and gave a weak half smile, hoping her intentions could be telepathically understood. Karen's eyes were full of understanding, as always, as she nodded and motioned for Brooke to go on in.

"Hey Luke," Brooke breathed as she entered the room.

When his eyes met hers there was a recognition of the sadness the other felt. Upon gauging the brokenness of her friend, Brooke immediately wondered if this was something he could recover from. He was no longer a zealous man who had a thirst for life and wanted to taste all of its sweetness. He was broken, jaded, and cold.

"Hey Brooke," he replied in a horse whisper.

Brooke shut the door with a quiet click. She slipped off her heels and climbed into bed, lying beside Luke.

"It hurts," he said simply.

"I know," she replied just as simply.

They lay together in the bed, staring at the ceiling, each seeing different memories of the girl they both loved.

"What do we do now?" Lucas asked after some time.

Brooke swallowed, "We do what she would have wanted us to do. We live, and we remember her. She's probably going to expect fresh flowers on her grave everyday."

Luke nearly smiled at this, nearly.

"And we teach your children everything Peyton would have," Brooke said as her voice rose with every syllable, threatening to break and unleash a flood of tears.

Luke nodded as he felt the now familiar constriction in his throat.

"And that's all we can do," Brooke finished.

"Do we have to start today?" Lucas asked thickly.

"I think she'll let us have another day to miss her," Brooke said as she squeezed Lucas' hand. "But if you don't start going to see that precious little boy, and giving Sawyer more attention soon, she might never forgive you."

"I am such a bad father for not going to see him," Lucas breathed rather sadly.

"Rowe Keith Scott is well, Ethan says he's a fighter, and he's getting stronger everyday."

"So you're the visitor he has everyday," Lucas stated, quite astonished.

"Of course, I couldn't let my best friend's baby think he wasn't wanted," Brooke said as cheerily as she could manage under the circumstances. "And Sawyer really needs you now."

"She's going to look exactly like Peyton," Luke reflected more for his own benefit than hers.

"I know," Brooke sighed, the thought of Peyton's daughter growing up without her was overwhelmingly depressing.

"Julian says he's still interested in making Ravens, especially now," Lucas said after a few minutes.

"He told me," Brooke replied.

"It feels weird that the book I wrote about our love is possibly going to be a movie and she won't be here to see it."

"Is that why you didn't want to talk to Julian the other day?" Brooke questioned.

"Yeah. He doesn't seem to be too affected…" Lucas trailed off.

"He is, believe me he is," Brooke breathed. There was a part of her that was a little jealous of how much it affected him, but there was another part that reminded her that he'd given her his whole heart and how he had come to respect Peyton as they'd all lived in Tree Hill together.

"I woke up this morning, and had an idea I wanted to bounce off Peyton, and then I remembered she was gone," Lucas said as his body tensed. "I don't know if I'll ever remember when I wake up, and that scares me."

"I was super busy yesterday, working literally from the moment I opened my eyes until I went to bed. You know catching up, and trying to get ahead. And as I was about to turn out the light, I picked up my phone to text Peyton goodnight, see you tomorrow for lunch, it wasn't until half way through that I remembered," Brooke revealed. "It just made today that much more difficult. So I get where you're coming from and I know it's going to be hard, and I don't think it will ever feel natural, but we'll learn and we'll cope, and we have each other."

Lucas sighed, it was the truth. He then whispered, "Rowe Keith Scott, it's perfect for him."

"Peyton and I had a long talk about names, she really wanted to honor your mom" Brooke paused, as the lump in her throat had grown large yet again.

"We're going to get through this."

Brooke let the tears fall and Lucas held her hand firmly.

"She's gone on, but she's given us so many good things to remember her for, and Rowe is just another one of those things," Lucas said strongly.

Brooke nodded.

"It suits him doesn't it?"

"It's a name that sounds like it's destined for greatness. Just like Sawyer's name," Brooke wiped the tears away at the thought of the kids. "We're going to need to be able to talk about Peyton without crying."

It was Lucas' turn to nod solemnly.

They lay in the bed, the weight of Peyton's death feeling less strangling with every passing moment. Acceptance overcoming them both, the girl they loved was gone but had given them pieces of herself to love in her place.

* * *

**AN: So I wrote this, wow, a year and half ago? Right after Peyton fell in her office, and then we had the Winter break. I just updated so it would fit with the current story line. There's potentially a follow up, but I'm not sure it's ready. **

**I feel like I'm cheating on my JulianxPeyton fics by posting this. But I had to do it.**

**Thanks for reading. Leave comments, both good and bad.**


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